"Our lives are not determined by what happens to us, but by how we react to what happens to us." - Khalil Gibran
Are you choosing to put on your "today sucks and everyone is stupid" saggy granny bloomers? Or your "what a great day to be alive" hot mama unmentionables? Or maybe you are somewhere in between with the "play it safe" boy shorts or choosing the "who gives a sh*t" al natural route (pun intended). Whatever attitude that WE CHOOSE to put on or not, first thing in the morning, could determine our entire day.
Now of course you realize my references to your loin cloth choice is just my metaphor for how you decide to plunge into your day. There was a time when I didn't know I had this choice. I thought the type of day I was going to have depended on how others would treat me and/or what events would or would not take place. If my co-workers were crabby or something wasn't going so well in one of my kids' lives, or the weather was cold, or my bills were over due, or my house was a mess and I had 20 things on my to-do list, or my hair didn't work out. Any of these events would be enough to set the tone. Once the tone was set, the ball just kept rolling and growing. What a powerless, helpless way to go about my day feeling like I had no control and the outcome depended wholly on outside sources. I allowed other people to determine my mood, and thus the essence of my day. Many many wasted days of allowing others to choose the destiny of my day. I lived this way for a long time, not even knowing there was another way, but still subconsciously searching.
Through the process of my journey and quest to live whole heartedly, I learned a very different way to "be".
One of the first things I had to learn and am still learning to do was:
1. Assume everyone is doing the best they can.
Brené Brown talks about this in her books, as well as many others before her, and it works! Sometimes this is difficult because we assume others could be doing better or trying harder. We feel because WE could do better, so should they. When we are frustrated with our seemingly rude or inattentive waiter or waitress at dinner, do we know what is happening in their life behind the scenes? Do we know if their parent is dying or if they are about to be evicted from their home? Fear can cause people to act out in ways very different than they would otherwise choose to. Maybe the car that cut you off, took your parking space or crossed over the middle line beside you was in a hurry so their child wouldn't be the last one picked up from school AGAIN or they were in deep thought about their addicted son or their daughter who is missing or suicidal, or the news they just received of their wife's cancer. Or maybe it's none of these things but I've learned when I assume this to be true, that everyone is doing the best they can, my day becomes more peaceful, loving, and calm instead of exhaustingly bitter and grim. It also gives me the power to be in control of my thoughts, my mood and ideally the outcome of my entire day.
Another thing I had to learn to do was:
2. Be kind to myself.
I've told you all about my dream of taking care of little me in past posts and how it changed my life. This is something I'm always working on but boy is it necessary in living wholeheartedly. Getting down on myself for not measuring up to my own impossible expectations, feeling unworthy, not valuable, not good enough, all contribute to limiting beliefs, poor choices, and less than desirable actions on my part. Choosing to be loving and forgiving of myself is another essential way to set the tone of my day and how I perceive it. If you were babysitting or taking care of little you, how would you treat her?
Another thing I'm learning to do is:
3. Assume the Universe/God is always acting in your favor.
This one can be difficult especially when we are in the midst of despair. It can be hard to see the reason for what we are experiencing and how it could be of service to us later. But after the fact, if we look back, there is always always always a benefit. Something that we could take from our bad experience and use to apply to something GREAT in the future. Something we needed to experience in order to learn what we needed to learn so we can apply it to our lives in helping others and ourselves in the future. Always. When we choose to remember this, in the depths of our darkness, we have developed a gift, a power, a strength that will give us peace beyond measure, not only for the day, but forever.
My favorite lesson I'm continuously learning is:
4. Be grateful.
One of my favorite quotes by Anthony Robbins is, "When you are grateful, fear disappears and abundance appears".
Fear can cause us to act in strange, unusually ugly and not beneficial ways. Fear of loss, inadequacy, rejection, the unknown, disappointment, all these plus more can inhibit us from abundance. I've said before that it is literally impossible for us to feel both gratefulness and fear at the same time. When we choose to be grateful by remembering people are doing the best they can, we are good enough, and the Universe is always working on our behalf whether it feels like it at the moment or not, we are beyond succeeding at creating abundance in our lives. There is always always always something to be grateful for. Always. Find it.
So tomorrow morning after you've cleansed yourself of yesterday's worries, breathed in fresh new perspectives, visualized an amazing day ahead full of adventure, connection, and learning, and as you reach into our underwear drawer, may I ask, which ones will you choose?!
