Virginia "Ginny" Wanner April 13, 1937 - January 24, 2016

As I began to write some thoughts down on what I wanted to say today, and how I feel about my friend Ginny, the Cherokee Legend of Grandmother Turtle came to mind. The sea turtle holds a special place near and dear to my heart and that would be my first and most obvious correlation between a sea turtle and Ginny. The Legend goes on to say, "before people lived on the earth it was covered by water. The creator wanted to use mud from under the water to make solid ground, but needed a place to put the mud on top of the water. Turtle rose to the top of the water to carry the mud that became earth. To this day, turtles walk very slowly and have a hard outer shell because they carry the weight of the world on their backs."

I met Ginny in May of 2002. I had just graduated from nail school, it was my first week of work at the salon, and I happen to get Ginny Wanner for one of my very first pedicure clients. I'm gonna guess when she called to schedule with the salon, she demanded her pedicure ASAP, that day, and me being the new girl just happened to have an opening. One thing I am sure of, our meeting that day was not a coincidence, I don't believe in them, and I know it was meant to be.

That first day at the salon she told me her dear friend Teresa had been her nail tech but wasn’t going to be able to do her nails anymore, as she was pursuing her nursing career. She was very proud of you Teresa and I feel that I got to know you and about your big heart through the many years of spending time with Ginny. At that first pedicure apt, Ms. Virginia Wanner asked if I would be her new nail technician from that day forward. Little did I know, when I accepted her proposal, what an adventure the next 14 years would be!

 I knew right off the bat she was a character and that she'd be a challenge, but I was up for it. We learned quickly that we had a lot in common (we were both single mothers of 6 children), we also learned quickly we had LOTS of differences but that seemed to make our friendship more interesting and complex, to say the least. Ginny and I became very close very quickly. We had our every 2 week nail apt along with her pedicures (many times with young Mandy along too) but I don't believe very many days would go by without a phone conversation or 3. 

I'll never forget her favorite color of nail polish was "Kinky in Helsinki", the color is as wild as the name. Boy did I have fun giving her grief with that one. I would have to search online for stores that had old product left over of Kinky in Helsinki, and stock up on it because OPI didn't even make the dang color anymore. It took me 5 years of applying kinky in Helsinki on toes AND nails every appointment to convince her to branch out and try another color or do something different.

I learned early on that although she had a tough as nails exterior, inside was a generous and caring spirit. When I was alone in New York City one weekend, she called me every hour ( I swear) to make sure I hadn't been robbed, stabbed or abducted and that I wouldn't be the topic on Nancy Grace that evening. (of course This was before Nancy pissed her off and she quit watching her). When my son was struggling and going through hard times Ginny was compassionate and concerned and was constantly checking up on us. When my granddaughter was very sick with meningitis and I had to fly out to North Carolina to be with her for her 6 week hospital stay, guess who called to get an update several times a day and who couldn't get through a phone conversation without choking up? Ginny was a mother figure to me and I am sure going to miss that. 

 I also learned early on that when she was crabby, or bossy, or in one of her ornery moods, all I had to do was give it right back to her. I think she respected me for that. For some reason, I could give it right back, and her goofy smile would appear or her deep gravelly laugh, and somehow the crabby just seemed to dissolve. I loved to shock her and embarrass her. I loved to tease her about future love interests and bring up inappropriate topics. I loved playing the devils advocate and trying to show her the flip side to her theory of "how the world is going to hell in a hand basket". We had some great debates and sometimes we couldn't even talk to each other afterward for a day or two. But I always knew Ginny loved me, and she knew that I loved her too.

I loved to hear her stories of her younger days and her large family she grew up in. What an interesting eventful life that woman had. I loved to look at pictures of her in her younger days - She was a knock-out. She loved fancy clothes and of course her shiny black Cadillac. Ginny loved nice things, and she worked very hard to get those things. I loved her stories of the elderly she cared for in her assisted living homes. She had a soft spot for the dependent and those with special needs. But mostly, she bragged about her boys, she was so proud. MY SIX BOYS she drove around with on her license plate. JD's passing changed Ginny forever as we can all imagine. It toughened her and softened her at the same time. Ill never forget her call that morning and the pain in her voice. We talked about JD a lot and she compared his trials to the trials my oldest son has. She was a great support for me. I can imagine how amazing her and JD's recent reunion must've been. She loved more than anything when you boys would have your "guys getaways". I swear that was when she was happiest, when you were all together. I know she would want this time that you are all together now to be a celebration of her life and a time for stories and laughter and bonding. I can just see her now beaming -that you are all together again - and she made it happen. She's still in charge.

 Things I'll never forget:

 *Her phone calls to tell me what she was watching on TV or what was on fox news that evening .... and then getting hung-up on, mid sentence, because the commercial was over and her program was back on

*The earlier days sitting outside by her pool, admiring her yard and the beautiful flowers in her countless pots that she put so much work into. (I know you grand-kids spent many hours watering and caring for them as well)

*Her baggies of peanut butter filled pretzels from Costco and grape Propel flavored waters

*Her calling to tell me what is on sale at IGA and where to get the best meat that day

*Her political rants ............ OK, I won't miss the political rants but I will miss purposely arguing with her to get her all fired up.

*Her birthday we celebrated by going to see John Edwards the psychic medium.

*Her nap and TV schedule that couldn't be interrupted

*The triangle friendship Ginny, Cindy, and I shared.  We knew each other well and would always share stories and news.

There are so many things I will miss.

 Like grandmother turtle, Ginny carried the worries of the world on her back. She had a hard outer shell that protected her from hurt and harm, and was heavy with all of her concerns. I feel fortunate to have gotten to know what was inside of Ginny's shell. I know Ginny is now free of that shell, free of the burden, the weight, and her armor is no longer needed. I also know she would be so pissed at me for using The Native American Legend of Grandmother turtle as my reference to her life, and I'm sure id get called the usual pet name that she gave me (I'd tell you all what it is but its not PG-13 ) I'll tell you later if you ask me.

 I believe Ginny's message for all of us today would be:
 Don't wait until death to kick off your armor, get rid of the tough exterior. Don't let the worldly worries steal your joy, get out there and live!

 Ginny - I'm going to miss you. Thank you for making my life more colorful. I'll be waiting and watching for your signs, I can only imagine what they will be!  

WHAT TYPE OF PANTIES ARE YOU CHOOSING TO WEAR TODAY?!

*Warning: no professional proofreading was done. The imperfections are part of my personality and I welcome them in my writing. No judgements allowed. ;-)

WHAT TYPE OF PANTIES ARE YOU CHOOSING TO WEAR TODAY?!

"Our lives are not determined by what happens to us, but by how we react to what happens to us." - Khalil Gibran

Are you choosing to put on your "today sucks and everyone is stupid" saggy granny bloomers? Or your "what a great day to be alive" hot mama unmentionables? Or maybe you are somewhere in between with the "play it safe" boy shorts or choosing the "who gives a sh*t" al natural route (pun intended). Whatever attitude that WE CHOOSE to put on or not, first thing in the morning, could determine our entire day. 

Now of course you realize my references to your loin cloth choice is just my metaphor for how you decide to plunge into your day. There was a time when I didn't know I had this choice. I thought the type of day I was going to have depended on how others would treat me and/or what events would or would not take place. If my co-workers were crabby or something wasn't going so well in one of my kids' lives, or the weather was cold, or my bills were over due, or my house was a mess and I had 20 things on my to-do list, or my hair didn't work out. Any of these events would be enough to set the tone. Once the tone was set, the ball just kept rolling and growing. What a powerless, helpless way to go about my day feeling like I had no control and the outcome depended wholly on outside sources. I allowed other people to determine my mood, and thus the essence of my day. Many many wasted days of allowing others to choose the destiny of my day. I lived this way for a long time, not even knowing there was another way, but still subconsciously searching. 

Through the process of my journey and quest to live whole heartedly, I learned a very different way to "be".  

One of the first things I had to learn and am still learning to do was:

1. Assume everyone is doing the best they can. 

Brené Brown talks about this in her books, as well as many others before her, and it works! Sometimes this is difficult because we assume others could be doing better or trying harder.  We feel because WE could do better, so should they. When we are frustrated with our seemingly rude or inattentive waiter or waitress at dinner, do we know what is happening in their life behind the scenes? Do we know if their parent is dying or if they are about to be evicted from their home? Fear can cause people to act out in ways very different than they would otherwise choose to. Maybe the car that cut you off, took your parking space or crossed over the middle line beside you was in a hurry so their child wouldn't be the last one picked up from school AGAIN or they were in deep thought about their addicted son or their daughter who is missing or suicidal, or the news they just received of their wife's cancer. Or maybe it's none of these things but I've learned when I assume this to be true, that everyone is doing the best they can, my day becomes more peaceful, loving, and calm instead of exhaustingly bitter and grim. It also gives me the power to be in control of my thoughts, my mood and ideally the outcome of my entire day. 

Another thing I had to learn to do was:

2. Be kind to myself. 

I've told you all about my dream of taking care of little me in past posts and how it changed my life. This is something I'm always working on but boy is it necessary in living wholeheartedly. Getting down on myself for not measuring up to my own impossible expectations, feeling unworthy, not valuable, not good enough, all contribute to limiting beliefs, poor choices, and less than desirable actions on my part. Choosing to be loving and forgiving of myself is another essential way to set the tone of my day and how I perceive it. If you were babysitting or taking care of little you, how would you treat her? 

Another thing I'm learning to do is: 

3. Assume the Universe/God is always acting in your favor.

This one can be difficult especially when we are in the midst of despair. It can be hard to see the reason for what we are experiencing and how it could be of service to us later.  But after the fact, if we look back, there is always always always a benefit. Something that we could take from our bad experience and use to apply to something GREAT in the future. Something we needed to experience in order to learn what we needed to learn so we can apply it to our lives in helping others and ourselves in the future. Always. When we choose to remember this, in the depths of our darkness, we have developed a gift, a power, a strength that will give us peace beyond measure, not only for the day, but forever. 

My favorite lesson I'm continuously learning is:

4. Be grateful.

One of my favorite quotes by Anthony Robbins is, "When you are grateful, fear disappears and abundance appears". 

Fear can cause us to act in strange, unusually ugly and not beneficial ways. Fear of loss, inadequacy, rejection, the unknown, disappointment, all these plus more can inhibit us from abundance. I've said before that it is literally impossible for us to feel both gratefulness and fear at the same time. When we choose to be grateful by remembering people are doing the best they can, we are good enough, and the Universe is always working on our behalf whether it feels like it at the moment or not, we are beyond succeeding at creating abundance in our lives. There is always always always something to be grateful for. Always. Find it. 

So tomorrow morning after you've cleansed yourself of yesterday's worries, breathed in fresh new perspectives, visualized an amazing day ahead full of adventure, connection, and learning, and as you reach into our underwear drawer, may I ask, which ones will you choose?!