Competitiveness- I love the concept of balance in my life and this word, has given me some grief, to say the least. Growing up in a small town, sports and athletic activities were very popular. Being competitive was a nice compliment, at least that's how my younger mind took it and I still believe that in the right situations, friendly competition is healthy. In my past, I perceived the word "competitive" to mean ONLY a positive adjective and that's what I wanted to be viewed as. It wasn't until I understood there was negative side to this, I was able to find a balance that my sub-conscience was desperately seeking.
In my middle-aged mind I have a little different version of the word "competitive" and I think I know just when it all started to become clearer to me. About 4 years ago, I was sitting in a salon chair getting my hair extensions filled, (yes, that's another story) and I happen to glance over at the hair dresser's station to my left. On her mirror was a sign, and those words for some reason, would be etched in my mind forever. It said something like this, NOT UNTIL WE STOP COMPARING OURSELVES AND COMPETING WITH OTHERS, CAN WE TRULY BE RESPECTED. I thought about that sign off and on throughout the next year or so, and wasn't yet aware of the effect it would continue to have on me. I wasn't even sure I knew exactly what it meant. I believe there is no such thing as coincidences and I think we see, read, dream, or experience certain things at certain times when we need them in our life. Whether we choose to listen to these things is another story and I could go on and on about that too, but not today.
I believe I needed to read that sign that day, even though it took some time for what it meant to me to sink in. Those words would continue to haunt me on certain occasions, sometimes too late, but other times they came just in time. Is it more important for me to win, or more important to me to be respected?...and I had to start with respect for myself. Don't get me wrong, I'm not necessarily talking about sporting events here, because if any of you know me, NFL football is a big part of my life and I do like my team to win! I'm talking about relationships and getting along with people. (I guess my Steelers can sometimes fall into this category) :)
I began to realize that when I would compare my physical features, clothes, kids, home, jobs, life, car, HAIR, etc, to others, I wasn't being grateful for all I had. Without being content with my own life, and not being grateful for what I did have, I wasn't able to allow COMPLETE happiness in. Yes, this meant that I even had to find a way to love my fine, (Tales From the Crypt) hair. I'm also learning that there will always be people in our lives that are constantly wanting to compete with us for these materialistic things. I'm still working on recognizing the challenge and not allowing myself to get roped into playing the game. I'm finding that with practice, it starts to become easier. (I'm still practicing)
Taking myself out of the competition is such a feeling of relief. That peace, I'm finding, is much better than "winning" the competition. I'm also learning to take it as a compliment, instead of a challenge, when someone chooses to compete with ME. Taking a step back, and removing myself as a 'player' in their game, feels powerful and very serene. It removes stress and friction in my life that I don't have room for, making space and time for many positives. Why did it take so long for me to understand this? I think I needed to go through some classes in the school of hard-knocks before I could truly appreciate and understand the lessons. I'm a long-term student there and find myself back on campus now and then. Remember, people make mistakes because they are acting out of their own pain. The person that is constantly competing with us and causing negative feelings isn't a bad person, they are just searching for someTHING that they think will make them happy. Feeling compassion for them, keeping them in my prayers, and keeping my thoughts positive, helps me to move on. Hopefully, someday they too will experience a moment as simple as a little sign hanging on a mirror. I'm definitely not perfect at this non-competitiveness but I now have knowledge of how I want to handle it, and knowledge to me = power. As Maya Angelou says, "When we know better, we do better".
So the arms of my scale start to slowly tip towards the center, as I keep reaching for that balance, in true Libra fashion.
